Fun with Fungus

In a previous post I indicated that I wanted this blog to go viral … or bacterial  …. As it turns out it is going fungal … going fungal is much slower than viral or bacterial …. I know fungus sounds bad …. but … hey …. some fungi are good  … a good example is

mushrooms   … yes, I really like mushrooms … well some kinds  … the mild flavored ones are really fine eating … then there are others…. the kind you have to swallow whole  …. Swallowing things whole limits the contact with the taste buds  … Rapid Whole Swallowing is a technique I learned in Japan  ….  It works something like this  … you get a bowl of soup  … first you examine the contents …. You identify those items that could cause bodily harm …. Firstly, If it has peppers then you just need to refuse the dish entirely …. Peppers will kill a body …. Well at least, it will kill my body  …. If there are no peppers then you continue the investigation … the next thing to look for is  big fat green onion looking things …. I forgot the name  …. They are like green onions but bigger and stronger…. like green onions who have used performance enhancing drugs …. You scoop these green monsters out of the soup and swallow them whole …. You can do the same with green onions  …. Then comes the mushrooms …. You need to analyze them … it’s an easy test ….. you just put one in your mouth …. Immediately you will know if it is the bad kind … the awful taste floods the mouth and the mouth reacts immediately …. The instinct is to spit the fungus out …. However, in polite Japanese society one would never spit food out ….  It goes along with the Samurai Bushido  … rather than shame the host, you should commit suicide  ….  Now for me, eating the peppers would be suicide … I don’t believe in suicide …. But those foul tasting mushrooms won’t quite kill me … they do inflict serious harm on the taste buds … The thing to do is to swallow them whole … swallow them fast … and do not make eye contact … no eye contact with anyone …..Your soup could contain other offending items that require Rapid Whole Swallowing  …  I have given descriptions of the most common ones …. This swallowing system works with all kinds of foods  ….  except the ones where the putricants have inundated the sauce … then you are doomed …. It is either shame or pain … YOU must decide which is worse ….

Back to the soup …. You have cleared the soup of all ill tasting items  ….   you can relax and enjoy the rest of the meal …. you may now make eye contact.

Maybe next time you will be lucky and get the good mushrooms ….Then you can make eye contact with everyone in the establishment  … at least those who choose to look at you …. You can jump up and say “hallelujah!  ….  those mushrooms are good” ….  and do a little dance …. Then more people will be willing to make eye contact …

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This reminds me of a good story that I really liked

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Fact checker  for   ……    Fun with Fungus

I guess the one celled fungi probably reproduce as fast as bacteria   ….  some big fungi like the mushrooms can take months or years before they produce spores   … they have a huge network of mycelium underground  … one organism may cover thousands of acres ….

Peppers won’t kill everyone …. I have a hypersensitivity to peppers ….Peppers make me sick …… even worse sick than the people with the wrong politics

The Green Monster was a jet powered race car that held the worlds land speed record in the sixties   …. I hear it is also the left field wall at Fenway Park, a drink, and lots of other stuff

Samurai are Japanese warriors …. Bushido is the Samurai code of ethics …. It includes various types of suicide ….   hara-kiri is the most famous … hara-kiri means belly cutting  …

putricant isn’t in the dictionary but there are some really bad smelling items sold on line with the description of putricant.

putrescine and cadaverine are related and are in the dictionary.

These are two fine chemicals that bacteria produce when they are decomposing proteins …. They smell really bad  …. Yes, they smell putrid  …. They are responsible for people getting ptomaine poisoning after eating rotten meat   … in smaller quantities they contribute to bad smells in breath and urine.

Ptomaine poisoning can kill you … for this reason I do not recommend consuming large quantities of bad breath.

 

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